Mother Profile: Rebecca Westphal

Meet Rebecca. Rebecca is a stay at home mum to two, almost three little people. Aside from being a superb human being, she is also a gifted writer and now blogger. Here is her story.


Introduce yourself Hi, I'm Rebecca Westphal, known to most as Bec. I'm a 32 years old, but am entirely unsure how that happened - I thought I'd feel more grown up? I'm blessed to be a mum, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and Christ follower.

Introduce your family I'm wife to a crazy, generous, and courageous Marty Man. Together we have two lovely and very cheeky children: Alexander (3) and Laila (15 months). We've also got a third little one on the way, due in October. He's currently known as "Squidget", "Your baby brother", or "the baby" depending on who we're talking to, and our mood.

You are a stay at home mum. Sum up the experience in a word or two. Tiring. Rewarding.

What factors influenced your decision to stay home? I was lucky enough to have my Mum around for a lot of my childhood. She worked casually as a school teacher when I was little, so I tended to be looked after by her, or close family friends. Because both she and my Dad were teachers, it also meant that we had school holidays together, and these are times filled with great memories. Because I really appreciated that kind of input into my own upbringing, I guess it's been important for me to provide something like that for my kids. I'm also really struck by the fact that our kids are young for such a short time in the scheme of things, and I want to be around for that - for their sake and mine! I read a great quote recently: Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eargerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff - Catherine M. Wallace (www.SpirituallyThinking.blogspot.com) Isn't that an excellent reminder? I'm not suggesting that you can't do that kind of listening as a working mum, but it is important to me that I have the kind of relationship with my kids that as they grow up, they know they can come to me and talk to me about anything. I feel like investing this time in them now will hopefully make that future relationship possible. I could say more, but rather than take up more of the space that Bree has so generously given to me here, I'll give you the option to go and read more here if you are interested.

Have your children benefited from your choice to stay home? Sometimes I think the benefit is largely mine! But yes, I do think they've benefited from having me at home. Both my kids are very securely attached little people, who are not clingy, but come to me when they're hurt, feeling vulnerable, or just want to hang out and play. I think a lot of that has to do with with the fact that I'm a constant in their lives. Both my kids are also good communicators. Alexander, in particular, has become very good at expressing exactly what his emotions are ("I don't want to talk about that right now, because it's making me very angry!"). I think the one-on-one time at home working through their reactions to events has really helped with that. Finally, because I'm a stay at home mum, the decision of when to put our kids into childcare/preschool has been able to be based purely on when we think they're ready. My little boy tends to get over-stimulated very easily, so I don't think he would have coped with the big group situations of childcare before he was three. Whereas, now, his coping mechanisms are more developed, and he's just loving preschool! It's been really nice not to feel any guilt about putting him into care, or increasing his days at preschool, because it's always been a decision made from where he was up to. Laila is still at home with me full time. All of that said, I know plenty of children who are securely attached, communicate their feelings well, and have thrived in the daycare from a young age, and whose mum's work part-time or full-time. But for me, these are the benefits I've been able to see in our family.

What challenges have you faced choosing to stay home? Probably the most obvious one is the financial challange. Paying off a mortage and feeding a family on one wage isn't always easy! But, having been through a period of having no income at all, we've become good budgeters. I don't feel at all like we or our kids do without necessary, and even sometimes unnecssary, things. We live comfortably, but carefully. I also occassionally struggle with boredom (groaning inwardly at the idea of having to drive that train around the track any more times). Although between cleaning up after two kids, meeting their needs, catching up with friends, writing, and being involved with music through our church, I find that boredom crops up much less often than I might have imagined.



What have you learnt about being a stay at home mum that you can share with other mothers considering this option? Being connected with other Mums is really important! Not only is it great to have adult company and conversation througout the week, and to have other kids for your children to play with, having a group of Mums to talk to who are at a similar stage to you allows you to get advice, bounce ideas about what you've found has and hasn't worked in raising children, and to generally feel like you're not alone in the joys and struggles you're facing every day. I've been really lucky because a number of my friends either already had children, or began having children at the same time as me. I also joined a Mother's Group through my local hospital. There were probably about 20 women in the original group, and from that, 10 of us still meet regularly. We even have dinner once a month where we talk, uninteruppted, about things other than our children (some of the time)! I honestly don't think that I would have coped with full-time mummy-dom without the support of all these amazing women in my life.


You started a blog called Wholly Listening. What is your blog about? My blog focuses on listening to the holy things in my life - I believe that all of life is holy, and can be experienced that way whether you believe in God in exactly the same way as I do or not. But that we tend to get so busy that we can forget to stop and take notice of it. Or we can start to think that holiness can only be seen during the "big" moments of our lives, rather than in all the little bits and pieces that make up our every day. My aim with the blog is to slow down and take notice of that which is holy in the here and now. Of course, as a stay at home mum, a lot of the "here and now" is related to my children, and my parenting! I also write short fictional stories and share those as well. As a side note, because I believe that everything we experience is holy, but often in inexplainable ways, I don't often feel the need to explicitly explain in my blog what the holy moment, or moments/messages, were. My hope though, is that in sharing my stories, you'll be able to slow down and listen to your own life, and recognise it for the amazing journey that it is, in all it's differences and similarities to my own.

What motivated you to start writing? You can find the long version of the answer to this question here. The short version, though, is that my husband got a new job 9 months ago. It was such a positive influence in our family, signalling the end of a long battle Marty'd had with depression and also providing him with so much more time with his family, that I felt really motivated to make a conscious decision to celebrate life. As someone who has always been a writer, a blog seemed like a good way to record and recongise that celebration.


Where can people find your blog? Please feel free to drop over to Wholly Listening. I'd love to have you on the journey and hear your thoughts and stories!


Thank you Rebecca.